Life Lesson #387: Husbands don’t like to use frou-frou soap

It’s common knowledge that the majority of men are not as diligent with their handwashing as they should be. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve seen ‘em walk out the bathroom door before the toilet finishes flushing, hands dry as a bone.

(Gives me the heebie-jeebies.)

And why? I’m sure there are many reasons. Maybe the avoidance of handwashing stems from the same gene that makes little boys loathe baths. For example, when my brother was little, Mom and Dad had to inspect his hair to make sure he had used shampoo.

Yes, I’m being too general. My own husband is an excellent handwasher. And, no, I didn’t train him to be this way. He does it on his own. So, men, don’t think I’m beating up on all of you.

On the contrary…women, as much as you hate this dirty habit, you may be contributing to your man’s handwashing delinquency. Are you an unsuspecting accessory to your husband’s crime of grime?

If something like this rests upon your sink, you might just be.

Oh, it looks innocent enough. It has all the traits of an ordinary bottle of handsoap – clear, plastic bottle (though strangely shaped like a bent square), squirter on the top, colored liquid soap… Ah, but the soap just happens to smell like sweet winter vanilla or pink fluffy flower!

Which leads me to my latest life lesson: husbands don’t like to use frou-frou soap – including my five-star handwasher. He wants his hands clean, but he doesn’t want to walk around smelling like fragrant petunia rain! If frou-frou soap is all your man has to choose from at the sink, he might be tempted to walk right by, choosing grit over girly.

So, in an effort to encourage men to wash their hands, I have invented a line of men’s handsoap, just for them. Featured scents include:
Grilling out
Big nasty cheeseburger
Gridiron
Red dirt
Oil change
Too much cologne
Gone fishin’
Lawnmower
Hardware store
Channel surfing
(And my husband’s special suggestion) Chuck Norris

By all means, ladies, keep the girly handsoap on your sink. Walk around smelling like sugar candy swirl, and love it. But give your husband some manly (or, at least milder) soap.

And if someone wants to take my man-soap idea and run with it, just be sure, as soon as you make your millions, to send me a sizable check or a trip to somewhere tropical. Thanks.